We all want love don’t we? It’s the most magical experience in the world. It’s what inspires artists, empowers children and encourages authenticity. It’s the only thing more powerful than all of the evil in the world.
What you may know is that love (with another person) will magnify your human experience. What does that mean? Well if you go into a relationship feeling sad and doubtful about yourself, the relationship will magnify that experience and magnify your sadness into depression and your doubt into paralysation. Whereas if you go into a relationship feeling secure and happy, the relationship will magnify that experience and turn you into a grateful, confident and enthusiastic person.
Therefore, I believe that we are looking for love in the wrong place. We expect it from someone else. We expect others to fill us up with love in order to feel good about ourselves. But how can we expect someone else to love us, if we do not love ourselves first?
It’s about starting with the man/woman in the mirror. Finding the love for yourself and that will make it easy for others around you to love you. Let’s look at some ways to enhance your self-love;
1. Do what you love;
Think about someone in your life that you care about deeply (it could be your partner, parent, friend… anything). What do they love doing? What kind of activity makes them really happy? I’m sure you’ve come up with plenty of ideas, and the reason is because you know doing that activity with them will make them happy. The question I have is what makes you happy and how often are you doing those activities? We so quickly want to make others happy by doing their activities, but how often do you spend time on your own cooking, playing an instrument, and going to movies. How often do you go out of your way to make yourself happy? Find what you love and treat yourself, weekly at least.
2. Do it with whom you love;
So many people buy things that they don’t need, with money that they don’t have, to impress people that they do not even like. In my opinion, it’s better to do something alone, than do it with people that make you feel lonely. I know that when I was in varsity I had over 200 friends (because I was staying in a boys hostel), but I didn’t have 1 friend that I could call to talk to about my problems. Now I have maybe a hand full of friends, but they would do anything for me. I exchanged my 200 acquaintances for a couple of quality friends and it’s made all the difference. Just ask yourself one question when you are with your friends, “if you had to become like them would you be proud?” If the answer is no, this person is no good for you. Rather step out of that relationship and find what you deserve.
3. Be kind to yourself;
If you had friends that spoke to you as you do to yourself, would you still be friends with them? Not always, but often, people are so incredible hard on themselves, it’s confusing. There is a great saying that goes, “If we knew better, we would do better.” So why do we still beat ourselves up, and please don’t think I’m immune, I still often blame myself for things that I couldn’t possibly have seen coming… We all do it, yet it is unfair, because life doesn’t come with an instruction set and every experience we have is helping us become more of who we are. So as difficult as it sometimes is, be as kind, gentle and loving towards yourself… because no one deserves your love more than you do.
4. Act lovingly;
This is about your intention behind your actions. If you embody the intention of gratitude, abundance and love, everything you do will feel better and everyone you engage will like you more. Think about, when last have you be annoyed spending time with someone who is happy with life and themselves and makes you feel loved? These people are hard to find and when you do find them, hold on tight… but instead of looking for these people, why don’t you become one of these people and you will naturally attract more like minded people. Remember, water seeks its own level. Change your intention, imagine that this was the last day of your life and live it accordingly. Instead of half-assing something that you don’t even enjoy, get up, get out and do something differently.
Begin with the man/woman in the mirror. Find that beauty that you have within you and cherish it. You deserve to be loved!
Much Love, Laurens
For more information, please go to www.laurensboel.com